UNITY IS NOT THAT HARD
Seven Steps Towards a More Harmonious Union
President Biden ran on a promise to bring our nation together. I’m convinced he meant it. Trouble is, neither he and his fellow Democrats nor the Republicans have a strategy to make it happen. We, the American people, must fix this ourselves. Here are seven steps we can take to get there.
1. Admit that you might be wrong
The first step in a national reconciliation requires everyone — no exceptions — to accept that we might be wrong about some of the things we are convinced we are right about. Every one of us has been wrong about something in our lives. Since we have been wrong in the past, there is an exceedingly high probability that we are wrong about some things now and a certainty that we will be wrong again in the future. Admitting that you have been wrong and will be again (and again) is no different than admitting that you require food and oxygen to survive; both are true. Next time you find yourself aggressively arguing a point, stop and remind yourself that there have been previous times when you have insisted that you were right only to later have been proven wrong. History just might be repeating itself.
2. See the world from the opposing view
The consequence of accepting that you might be wrong is admitting that your adversary might have a valid argument. Only one way to decide that; check out the scene from her vantage point. Listen closely to what she has to say and, more importantly, force yourself to see what she sees through her eyes. Imagine a single mother who needs a job to make ends meet. Universal free childcare will look completely different to her than to a seventy-five-year-old retiree on a fixed income. For the single mother, it is a lifesaver. For the retiree, it means higher taxes for something she never had and doesn’t currently need. Neither is selfish. They just see the world differently, until both make the effort to understand the plight of the other. When they do, solutions become not only possible, they become inevitable.
3. Judge favorably
At some time in your life, you have been in a situation where you assumed the worst of someone. Once the facts were in, it turned out that you had misjudged that individual's intent or actions. Learning to judge others favorably is liberating. It replaces inner angst with inner peace. If it turns out the person whom you judged favorably was indeed out to harm you or someone else, so be it. You have been the better person, maintained a high level of self-esteem, and brought yourself psychological and physical health. Here is a truth that’s worth remembering: you can never be diminished by someone else’s poor behavior or misdeeds, only by your own.
4. Put others first and your life will instantly improve
That statement seems counterintuitive. “What about me? Who is going to look out for my interests?” you might ask.
Every major religion stresses the message of subjugating your own wishes or needs to those of another. Even in the secular world, we have been implored to do so since kindergarten. If all of that hasn’t swayed you, consider this: doing so will make you feel like a million dollars. Don’t take my word for it. Ask someone who routinely puts others first, perhaps a nurse, a member of the clergy, or a firefighter. He or she is likely to describe their selflessness and generosity as a drug that repeatedly delivers an indescribable high.
When you worry more about other people than yourself, when you place their troubles ahead of your own, the burdens of your own life will instantly lighten. When times are tough, go help someone else. You will be lifted. It’s nothing short of magic.
5. Learn from and then let go of the past
We study history so that we can avoid repeating our errors. The danger arises when we become captive to the past. Only the present and future matter since the past cannot be undone. As painful as past events might be for individuals, groups, and entire societies, we risk squandering opportunities for progress if we insist on righting all past wrongs before advancing towards the future.
Racism, anti-Semitism, xenophobia, and other forms of prejudice are sadly still with us. Not one of these is new. All are remnants of past ignorance that has never been successfully eradicated. If ending them is the goal, then we are going about it the wrong way. We need to stop separating people into ever-more-narrow preferred or non-preferred groups. Doing so for generations past is what has gotten us to where we are today. Do we really want to perpetuate this grievous mistake by simply re-shuffling the status of the groups? That will never work and tragically will only prolong and exacerbate the problem.
Together we must acknowledge our past, learn from our past, and then let go of it with grace. Easier said than done, but essential for the welfare of generations to come. Here’s another gem to keep in mind: forgiveness does far more for the forgiver than for the forgiven.
6. Have a healthy skepticism of the news you read
Depending on which television stations or media outlets you follow, the news you see and hear can be vastly different than if you had instead tuned to another. It’s even worse if you get your news and information primarily through social media. Unfortunately, opinion is now inherent in just about every article, even on page one. What should you do? Be skeptical of everything you read. Check the opposite network or print publications and find their take on the same story. Don’t rely on the links and references provided to you by a single article; they are a trap. You wouldn’t eat the same food every single day, especially if it’s junk. Be at least as wary of what you put in your brain as you are of what you put in your mouth.
7. Spend time with each other
As a physician in Washington, DC, I have been blessed to work with and care for people of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, and religions. Although I grew up in an almost completely white neighborhood, most of the people with whom I have worked over the past forty years have been black. Many have become family; our lives have been intertwined. We care deeply for each other. There is no dividing us by the color of our skin.
Instead of separating into myriad identity groups, let’s spend time together based on common goals and interests. Music, art, sports, community service, and our children’s schools and activities already serve this purpose; let’s find even more. This should begin early in life.
We should also implement required public service. As young adults work together to reach a collective goal, those characteristics that separate will be replaced by knowledge of our commonalities. America is a melting pot, but it only works if we frequently put all of the ingredients in the same pot.
We all want safe, peaceful neighborhoods, healthy and well-educated children, a job that provides enough money to at least pay the bills, and maybe above all else, something to believe in. Love is that something we can believe in. This pandemic has made one thing abundantly clear. We need each other.
Give it a whirl, America. You just might be surprised to find that achieving unity is not that hard.
Mark E. Klein, MD is a physician and the author of three books. His latest is a novel, Franklin Rock. Learn more at markekleinmd.com
